Flow.
So I totally failed at Substackmas. Oops.
When choosing my word of the year, I chose flow. To signify my need to just be. Life can change in an instant, and I thought I really knew that by experiencing so much grief in my childhood. But now, watching my family lose someone so important to us as an adult, it has shifted my perspective more than ever. Maybe because I can process these emotions now, or maybe because it all felt a little too familiar. I don’t know. I thought I had built up this wall that grief and all the emotions it comes with wouldn’t be able to get through. I was wrong. And now, more than ever, I am afraid to lose more people. I’ll admit I have been bitter. Bitter that my family has experienced so many hardships. Bitter that we have lost someone again. Bitter that it seems no other family is experiencing this. It feels like a curse sometimes.
With all of the bitterness I have been feeling on my bad days, I also have great days where I see all of the love my family has for one another. When all else fails, we have each other. I am eternally grateful that the loss we have had has brought us closer together.
The word flow perfectly encapsulates how I want to take this time in my life with me. I don’t want to push all the emotions so far down that I forget it. I want to rest. I want to flow with whatever emotions come my way. Not push them down or bottle them up.
I went into the holiday season wanting to re-brand my life. While yes, I made my Pinterest board and wrote down intentions, I don’t want my life to change drastically. I just want to be in the phase of life I am in now. Just flowing and seeing what happens. Enjoying what is in front of me and knowing everything will work out because it has to.
2026 Intentions
Keep learning at my job
Move to Boston with Jill in May
Go to Jersey with Claire and Bacca
Talk to more strangers (people walking or barista, not stranger strangers)
See my cousins more
Go on a lot of walks
2026 will be a great year. A year with more change, for sure, but a good, exciting change.
🫶🏻
Reached a flowst8 while reading this